When I was growing up, one of my favorite things to do was to play Mad Libs. If you aren’t familiar, Mad Libs is a word template game where with prompts you to insert words to substitute in the story resulting a humorous and very silly tale, like this:
“One day, a ________________ went to ________ and _________________ a ______.”
name of animal place past-tense verb noun
Mad Libs has certainly stood the test of time as it is just as popular today as it was in 1977. However, Mad Libs can lose their appeal as sometimes those stories are neither humorous or silly. Our live a little like that.
When I speak with other about developing character, confidence and connection within, I typically hear a lot of responses that start with, “This makes so much sense to me, BUT….” That big but is typically followed with a “I have to do/be/see/work, so I can pay mortgage/care for my family/take a trip/be successful…” It’s like excuse-themed Mad Libs. All you have to do is insert your excuse, justification and lack of momentum and responsibility to fill in the blanks.
It’s enough to drive a person, well, mad. However, these people are on the right track regarding one thing. There is a blank they have to fill in, and the caption for that blank reads “your happiness.” It can be absolutely anything you want. And, if for any reason what you insert into the blank doesn’t make your happy, you can change it.
For example, for many years I worked at a job where I was miserable. I dread waking up each morning. Often, I would wish for a cold or a flu bug so I could stay home. It was a horrible feeling. However, I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I was young and “needed” the job to pay my monthly rent. A few years ago, the same thing happened in my marriage. I wouldn’t say it was miserable but it was not a happy situation. Again, I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I am a mom and we had three kids. Our wedding vows bond us, right?
In both cases, most people said, “well, just stick it out a little longer. Things could be worse. Work at the job until something better comes along. Stay in the marriage even if you are unhappy. You have to do it for the kids.” So, you know what I did? I stayed…for awhile. And, then I didn’t.
There is no situation that absolutely requires you to stay in it – society may tell you there is. If you really want to change, you can do it at any time.
Yes, in both situations, I struggled and scrambled to make ends meet and sure it sucked eating top ramen every meal for awhile, but it was worth it. Knowing that I was changing my life made me a happier person. I gave myself permission to find that new job, to feel joy, to develop new relationships…to be happy.
You are responsible for your own happiness. If there is something in your life causing you pain, only you can fix it. If you don’t like the person you are now then you are responsible for changing. If when you envision your ideal self and then say “but I can’t” then you are forsaking responsibility and willingly making yourself a victim. If you really want something there are no true barriers – hardships yes, but you can endure temporary hardships a lot easier than a life of unfulfilled dreams.
“I need this job to pay the rent.” – You can do temporary work to pay the rent while you build the foundation for a business that will something you are truly passionate about.
“I need to stay with my husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend because he or she needs me.” – If someone isn’t complete by themselves then its a hole that no other person should be responsible for filling. You can leave them and until you do you’re going to be resentful.
“But I have to provide for my family.” Having a job that can end at any second your boss says the two little words “you’re fired” is not security for your family. Go start your own business and be happier both doing something you love and providing far more security for your loved ones.
“But I’m scared.” – We’re all scared sometimes. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it.
“But I might fail.” – Yes you might. But its better to fail than to wonder what could have been. And if you fail then so what; you can get back up and do it again.
If you are ready to get back up, I would love to be there to support you. Together, we can fill in the blanks that support your dreams, your wishes, your happiness.
I really look forward to connecting with you soon.
With gratitude,
